Yay to instant coffee and my inability to prepare it in an even slightly tasty manner.
And holy shit, I'm actually updating. And this is a long and somewhat gruesome one, so beware.
The last days have been very stressful, not necessarily for me directly but for people close to me.
One thing that happened is that my aunt died, three weeks ago or so. My mum is pretty shaken by it. While I had previously cut off all contact with my aunt as she was a major source of negativity in my life. So her death honestly didn't affect me as she had 'died to me' quite a while ago.
Not in an angry way or anything, I just already moved on with my own life.
Anyway, my mother was closer with her obviously. She's now left to deal with all of her sisters left over work, organizing her funeral etc etc. It's not even clear what she has to do yet.
What was also bad for my mother is that she was notified with a letter that just told her to organize a funeral ASAP. She didn't get a call or anything previous to that. And the letter arrived a week after my aunt had been found.
Now my mum is also not dealing so well with the fact that my aunt had died in her house two weeks before being found. She was found in her bed, badly decomposed and almost impossible to identify.
Her cleaning lady found her. I feel so sorry for that cleaning lady, nobody should have to see that ever.
We seem to have a trend for that in my family though, my grandfather was also found by his cleaning lady. That poor woman wanted to clean the house. Everybody thought that my grandfather was on his way to his home in Croatia.
When the cleaning lady arrived and tried to open the door - she couldn't, because my grandfathers dead body was blocking the entrance way.
Anyway, my mum was in a lot of stress previous to that. She had made plans to renovate our flat and now she has the houses of two dead people to look after first. Two, because my aunt was previously taking care of grandfathers things.
She wanted to finish a new tour for her ghostwalks and is working hard to expand her company. Now she has to finish all of the work of two dead people.
My mother does not deal well with stress at all. But she'll be fine. She has some good friends and a daughter that are trying to support her. And honestly, she's done way worse.
Things are going to be okay. I just wanted to get some of this off of my chest.
There are some more things, but it's actually all not bad at all. I am dealing really well. I've really come a long way, I've come so far, and I am really proud of myself for that. I pulled through all the shit and grew into a strong giant. To think that there still is so much room to imrove and that there is still so much more growing to do doesn't scare me anymore. It excites me and I am glad that I am alive to go through this and to live my life.
Little me would be so proud of future me, she'd be impressed and she'd try to strive after my examples. Now that's some achievement.
As for art things, as the initial stress is setteling again I'll concentrate on my art soon.
I have an idea for a story again actually. I haven't written a proper story in ages. I mean, looking back at my old 'stories' I never have written a proper story.
It's going to be an experiment for now. I'll try to use techniques I'm unfamiliar with and it'll also be a blend of genres that I am really not familiar with.
It'll be fun and frustrating, I guess.
Oh and I got some more band merch, which is always hella neat. And I'll dye my hair soon. And I'll go to England and meet a pretty dear friend IN ONLY TWO WEEKS. It'll also be the first time I'll fly alone and stay in a foreign country pretty much on my own. Except for the three day long sleep over I'll have at my friends place. And I'm actually looking forward to my next birthday, when I'll turn 18. Things are good, life is good, shit happens and always gets better. You just have to stay tough and pull through and move on. There is so much to learn.
The friend is MIZZTOLLY
by the way, who is awesome and a kick-ass artist (ily no homo)
Things like being able to afford the style of clothing I love and to meet a friend from further away and have a good education and drink coffee that actually isn't that bad, amongst other things, make me realize how fortunate I am. Like god damn.
I'm just being thankful these days.
Anyway, if anyone has come to this point, congratulations, mate! You are now officially my friend.
How are you all doing?